Alistair McGowan’s back: You cannot be serious!

Eight years after his Big Impression, Alistair McGowan’s back on primetime with his own show, this time for ITV. You cannot be serious! is his latest offering and is a satirical look at all things sporty.

Alistair McGowan

I was pleasantly surprised. As a stereotypical girl (I watch tennis and gymnastics and that’s it!) I could have been put off by the fact that it was all about sport. The advert hadn’t made this clear at all, featuring as it did, Louie Spence and Robbie Savage talking about dance. I tuned in expecting a more general impressions show but despite this, as an opening episode I was pretty impressed.

For starters it’s very Harry Hill-esque. Turns out he’s the executive producer, so that could be why, but he’s certainly made his mark. Instead of being a re-hash of Big Impression Alistair sits behind a desk and pokes fun at a whole series of clips. Sound familiar? It’s like a mash-up of Harry Hill, Big Impression, with just a little bit of Mock the Week thrown in – the round where Hugh Dennis gets some silent footage and has to make up what’s being said.

Yes it’s about sport but you don’t need to be a big sport’s fan to find it amusing, perhaps it’s better if you’re not. After all, it’s not very realistic – Jedward covering the French Open, Louie Spence training footballers and presenters reading lads’ mags whilst commentating (ok so the last one is believable) – but it is funny.

It’s not the sophisticated satire of Rory Bremner but it’s a light and fun show, probably on a par with Harry Hill and his ‘chippy chippppss!’ but with fewer visual gags and more daft wordplay instead. And so far, the impressions have been good.

I think it will improve as the weeks go on and they develop some running jokes á la Harry Hill. All they need now is: ‘I like Manchester United but then I like Manchester City. But which is best? There’s only one way to find out…!’

Yes. That’d end well.

 

The best and the worst of Eurovision 2012

Spain and Greece can breathe a sigh of relief as this year’s Eurovision song contest is over. There were some entertaining performances on the night in Baku, but sadly not from the UK as poor old Engelbert Humperdinck came away with only 12 points putting him second from last.

But now that the confetti has been swept up this gives us a chance to look at the winners from the night, as well as some of the more questionable performances.

The top five Eurovision song contest performances are:

1. Sweden

The Swedish version of Claudia Winkleman, actually called Loreen, had an angst ridden performance with dance moves reminiscent of Kate Bush. It became quite obvious once the results started coming in that she was going to win, and ended up collecting 372 points overall.

2. Russia

The Russian grannies singing about how their dog and cat made them happy should have won, but they came pretty close in second place. It seems Europe is not all that impressed with a revolving oven. Shame on them.

3. Serbia

Serbia’s entry from Zeljko Joksimovic was a bit boring, especially as they performed straight after Jedward but seemed to go done well with the public.

4. Azerbaijan

As host country Azerbaijan did well with Sabina Babayeva who did have a very pretty dress for her Eurovision performance.

5. Albania

I was surprised that Albania’s entry Rona Nishliu did so well, as I was mostly distracted by the fact that her hair was glued to her chest. The song wasn’t really that spectacular either, as ‘Suus’ mostly consisted of high, warbling screams.


And now moving swiftly onto the weirdest performances from Eurovision 2012.

Ireland

The Irish twins John and Edward ended up in 19th place with their song ‘Waterline’, which surprised me as I thought they would do really well this year. However, I don’t think their low position will upset Jedward too much and I bet will probably be back next year.

Romania

Mandinga seemed a bit confused as to what happens in Romania as they had someone who looks like Gok Wan moonwalking and playing the bagpipes, and that was just one band member.

Denmark

Solunua Somay looked a bit like an X Factor contestant that is trying too hard. Ironic really when her song was ’Should’ve Known Better’.

Lithuania

Lithuania’s entry Donny Montell took his song ‘Love is Blind’ too literally as he performed half of his song with a sparkly blindfold on.

Turkey

Can Bonomo looked a bit like they came from the imagination of Sacha Baron Cohen. They also had capes which they could have used in a menacing way, instead they used them to make a boat.


So until next year, that is Eurovision finished with, you can still catch the first and second semi finals on iPlayer, along with the grand final.

How to watch Eurovision 2012

The 57th annual Eurovision contest starts tonight in Baku, Azerbaijan and from the semi-finals earlier in the week we can already see the kind of quality performances we will have in store tonight.

It will be an odd show as a lot of countries taking part might not want the burden, and the cost, of hosting the Eurovision song contest, which is the prize if you win the contest. Even Spain’s entry, Pastora Soler, joked that she has been told not to win the contest. And it could be argued that Ireland are putting Jedward up again knowing that they will lose, but the Irish twins came eighth last year and I am hoping will do well again.

Britain has put forward the crooner Engelbert Humperdinck, and to support him you need to wear a paper bow tie and Humperdinck style sideburns from the BBC’s Eurovision party pack. You can also print of ‘Get behind the Hump’ and ‘Think Dinck’ posters to really get yourself in the mood.

There are a few performances to look out for, such as Jedward’s use of a water feature, the Russian grannies and there are some ‘serious’ contenders from Romania and Sweden. You can check out all of tonight’s competitors on Eurovision’s Youtube channel or wait until you can join Graham Norton and his Eurovision commentary on BBC One from 8pm.

If you want something a bit different then Dimblebot who helped to make the local election results interesting has allowed Woganbot out of the cupboard. Woganbot is here to “protect any ladies from swooning from the ‘Humperdinck lunge’” and you can follow his commentary on Twitter. If you are watching Eurovision alone and want some company then watch and take part in Tim, Matt and Tom’s Eurovision Hangout which starts at 7.30pm. Also if you want to score the entry’s yourself based on the rules of Robot Wars, giving people marks for style, control, aggression and damage, then Jonathan Cresswell has created a score card for just that.

If you want to avoid Eurovision altogether then have a look at our Eurovision free what to watch guide.

First Eurovision semi finals: what you missed

The first of Eurovision semi finals have happened, and thankfully Jedward and the elderly Russian grannies are through to Saturday’s show.

Eighteen countries were competing for just ten places. Here are all the countries that have gone through to the main show.


Russia
Moldova
Iceland
Hungary
Denmark

Cyprus
Albania
Greece
Romania
Ireland

So this means what you see on Saturday night has already been put through a filter, which again I add that Jedward managed to get past. Sadly this means there are some songs that will never go through the humiliation of Eurovision, so here are some of the songs that will be missed on the night.

San Marino

‘The Social Network Song’ by Valentina Monetta was a silly homage, or perhaps a cautionary tale, about what you can get up to on the internet. This would have been a fun entry for the night, but instead you will have to watch it below and make up your own scathing comments.

Montenegro

The song ‘Euro Neuro’ was impressive purely because they had found so many rhyming words ending in ‘tic’ to include in the song. The words included; cosmetic, poetic, hermetic and there were many more. The singer of the Montenegrin entry, Rambo Amadeus, is apparently a cult figure for his satirical songs and has distanced himself from ‘radio friendly’ songs, so it is good that he got this far really.

Israel

When listening to Israel’s entry, ‘Time’ by Izabo, you might be forgiven for not realising that it is a Eurovision song because it sounds quite normal, maybe even catchy. And then you see the video where they are performing in a big top circus and are surrounded by clowns.

Austria

Trackshittaz sadly failed to get to the finals with their song ‘Woki Mit Deim Popo’. I have no idea what the song was about, but apparently it was a great example of the band’s unique genre of music “tractor gangster party rap”.

The second semi final is on BBC Three tonight at 8pm, and in the meantime you can watch the first semi final on BBC iPlayer.

TV highlights: Louis Walsh, Daleks, damp squids and royals doing weather reports

The past week in television has been reality programmes and a whole host of animals doing things live. In among all that you may have missed some of the highlights from the week. Not to worry though as we pick out the best bits of telly from this week.

Celebrity Deal or no Deal

Last weekend the celebrity versions of the game show saw music manager and TV judge Louis Walsh take on the boxes. So far Walsh has had the best people to open the boxes for him, varying from Kate Thornton, to Wagner and Jedward (they had two boxes between them). Also he quite genuinely wanted to do well for the charity, so Walsh is noticeably nervous throughout the show but he does well.

Even though Deal or No Deal can be a hard watch, I mean it is fronted by Noel Edmonds who keeps referring to the place as ‘the dream factory’, the celeb versions have brought new life to the format. In addition the pressure that the celebrities find themselves under when trying to do their best for a charity is unbelievable, and led to Jimmy Carr only winning £750 for charity, instead of the offered £14,000.

You can watch Louis Walsh’s Celebrity Deal or No Deal on 4OD.

Britain’s Got Talent

I have a confession; I have never watched Britain’s Got Talent. So the other night when left to my own devices and with full control over the television remote, I decided to catch a few moments of the show.

And what I saw was confusing. A grown man was wearing a suit, made to look like a Dalek from Doctor Who. He was also wearing a saucepan with sequins on. And then a range of colourful washing machines with baskets on top came on stage as well as Dalek back up.

The man’s talent was that he could do an impersonation of a Dalek, which wasn’t bad considering it was just his voice not put through any machines or software. But his performance led to the judges, Alesha Dixon and Amanda Holden, wearing saucepans on their heads.

You can watch this and the other high calibre contestants on ITV Player.

Damp squid

Nadine Dorres, a Conservative MP, took part in Have I Got News For You this week. Ian Hislop took his usual relish in poking fun at the politicians that come on the show, but Dorres embarrassed herself in a small way.

When talking about the Leveson Inquiry she called it a bit of a ‘damp squid’, when the phrase is actually damp squib.

This malapropism also forms part of the plot for an episode of The IT Crowd, where the characters discover they all know phrases that they have misremembered in some way.

You can watch Have I Got News For You on BBC iPlayer and The IT Crowd over on 4OD.

Prince Charles doing the weather

And finally Prince Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall dropped by BBC Scotland for a tour and ended up presenting the weather. I think Charles was quite good, and maybe presenting is something that the Royal family should start to consider in the future.

King of the Gypsies is King of the house

So even though it feels like Big Brother should have gone many years ago, somehow it still remains a staple of the television schedule.

I have not watched Big Brother since series three, which was way back in 2002, yet for some reason I watched this series. The main reason for that principally was Jedward.

As painful as this sounds I am a fan of Jedward and the strange little world that they live in. So I got hooked after I saw Jedward making sand castles wearing hot pants.

To be fair they have entertained with their supermarket dash, trashing the house and then cleaning it afterwards rather sheepishly and Edward dressing up as a girl. Whilst the other housemates would be worrying about what the public would think about them afterwards and if they really wanted a relationship with Amy Childs, Jedward were just happy to have one another as company.

Although I would never watch the last ten minutes of the show, which would generally be following their antics after midnight because Jedward would be tucked up in bed and nothing interesting would happen.

Although the Irish twins were the most exciting contestants Paddy Doherty, the King of the Gypsies from the Channel 4 series Big Fat Gypsy Weddings, won the show. The man who sat in the sun, shouting about his “woman” and mumbling so incoherently that he needed subtitles.

Overall the revamped Big Brother on its new home at Channel 5 felt the same as every other series of Big Brother. There were changes such as no live feed, strange editing and Marcus Bentley sounding like a caricature of himself. At the end of the day it was nothing special and if you got stuck in it then it would be a guilty pleasure that you would only let certain people know that you were watching it.

I do have a better appreciation of Jedward and I am glad they have one another because otherwise they would be lonely souls.

But we aren’t rid of it as the new normal series of Big Brother starts tomorrow with Pamela Anderson. Yes the famous person after the celebrity series has finished…