Red Dwarf’s best moments

Since Red Dwarf disappeared off our screens fans have been teased with talk of a movie which sadly never happened. Thankfully the television channel Dave came to the rescue when they started repeating the series and created a whole new group of Red Dwarf fans. They tested the water back in 2009 with a Red Dwarf special called Back to Earth but tonight sees the series return properly.

So to mark the triumphant return of Red Dwarf and to get ready for what to expect in the new series here are the top ten Red Dwarf moments.

The Arnold Rimmer experience

Rimmer left behind his fellow Red Dwarf colleagues to follow the work of his parallel self. In truth Chris Barrie partially left the series to work on other projects, namely The Brittas Empire. Unusually Lister found himself missing Rimmer, so Kryten helped out by building the Arnold Rimmer Experience complete with its own song.

Tongue Tied

The Red Dwarf crew clearly aren’t adverse to having a sing and a dance. Cat dreamt that when he was around women he became tongue-tied and he expressed his emotions through the medium of song.

Gunmen of the Apocalypse

Who would have thought that the Red Dwarf crew entering a computer simulation of the Wild West only to end up facing the four horsemen of the Apocalypse would end up winning an International Emmy Award? Well it did. And it is one of the best episodes of the series ever.

Smoke me a kipper

The Rimmer we know is arrogant and miserable, but Rimmer in a parallel universe is Ace. Ace Rimmer to be exact. The seemingly perfect Ace is modest, popular, a bit of a daredevil and also fond of wearing his gold, fur-lined suits. He also has his own catchphrase “Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast”. What a guy.

Kryten becomes human

When visiting a strange spaceship Cat accidentally pressed some buttons that he shouldn’t have and Kryten was converted from mechanoid to human.

Although he thought he would enjoy the freedom of being a real boy in fact he was disappointed that his nipples could pick up radio stations, his eyes had no zoom function and he was attracted to electrical appliances. So he decided it was best to go back to being a mechanoid again.

Fish!

Cat is a cat, therefore he likes fish. He also enjoys the benefits of a speaking spaceship only too happy to supply him with fish.

Mr Flibble

Lister, Cat and Kryten visit a research centre filled with a holo-virus. Once back on board Red Dwarf Rimmer decides to throw them into quarantine for three months.

However, Rimmer ends up contracting the holo-virus and turns against the rest of the crew while wearing a red and white checked gingham dress and with the help of glove puppet called Mr Flibble.

Kryten learning to lie

Kryten is programmed to tell the truth and to help people. However, after spending enough time with Lister he is soon being taught how to lie and told to start calling people smegheads.

Holly

Holly is the ship’s computer who has an IQ of 6000. But with such a high IQ Holly gets bored. A great example of his boredom was when another computer called Queeg won control of Red Dwarf from Holly through a game of chess. However, turns out that Queeg was Holly all along, in his self-proclaimed “jape of the decade”.

Kicking Death where it hurts

When the series was last on screens, which was 1999, it ended on a cliffhanger. Rimmer was about to die, again, and as the dramatic music built up it looked as if the series was going to have a sad ending. Instead Rimmer kicked Death in the balls.

Watch these classic Red Dwarf moments in our YouTube playlist below.

The new series of Red Dwarf starts tonight on Dave at 9pm.

Amy and Rory return in Pond Life

In the build up to the new series of Doctor Who starting at the weekend, the BBC have launched a mini series called Pond Life to get people even more excited about their return.

This week there will be a new short episode released every day at noon. The series is supposed to show what the Ponds, Amy and Rory, as well as the Doctor have been getting up to while they haven’t been on our screens.

So this is Monday’s episode.

Tuesday’s episode sees The Doctor burst in on Amy and Rory in the bedroom.

Wednesday’s episode sees a friendly alien invasion taking place in the Pond’s home.

Thursday’s episode shows that Amy and Rory are still living with an Ood.

Friday is the final episode before the new series of Doctor Who starts on Saturday night, and sees Amy and Rory facing some problems.

The best and the worst of Eurovision 2012

Spain and Greece can breathe a sigh of relief as this year’s Eurovision song contest is over. There were some entertaining performances on the night in Baku, but sadly not from the UK as poor old Engelbert Humperdinck came away with only 12 points putting him second from last.

But now that the confetti has been swept up this gives us a chance to look at the winners from the night, as well as some of the more questionable performances.

The top five Eurovision song contest performances are:

1. Sweden

The Swedish version of Claudia Winkleman, actually called Loreen, had an angst ridden performance with dance moves reminiscent of Kate Bush. It became quite obvious once the results started coming in that she was going to win, and ended up collecting 372 points overall.

2. Russia

The Russian grannies singing about how their dog and cat made them happy should have won, but they came pretty close in second place. It seems Europe is not all that impressed with a revolving oven. Shame on them.

3. Serbia

Serbia’s entry from Zeljko Joksimovic was a bit boring, especially as they performed straight after Jedward but seemed to go done well with the public.

4. Azerbaijan

As host country Azerbaijan did well with Sabina Babayeva who did have a very pretty dress for her Eurovision performance.

5. Albania

I was surprised that Albania’s entry Rona Nishliu did so well, as I was mostly distracted by the fact that her hair was glued to her chest. The song wasn’t really that spectacular either, as ‘Suus’ mostly consisted of high, warbling screams.


And now moving swiftly onto the weirdest performances from Eurovision 2012.

Ireland

The Irish twins John and Edward ended up in 19th place with their song ‘Waterline’, which surprised me as I thought they would do really well this year. However, I don’t think their low position will upset Jedward too much and I bet will probably be back next year.

Romania

Mandinga seemed a bit confused as to what happens in Romania as they had someone who looks like Gok Wan moonwalking and playing the bagpipes, and that was just one band member.

Denmark

Solunua Somay looked a bit like an X Factor contestant that is trying too hard. Ironic really when her song was ’Should’ve Known Better’.

Lithuania

Lithuania’s entry Donny Montell took his song ‘Love is Blind’ too literally as he performed half of his song with a sparkly blindfold on.

Turkey

Can Bonomo looked a bit like they came from the imagination of Sacha Baron Cohen. They also had capes which they could have used in a menacing way, instead they used them to make a boat.


So until next year, that is Eurovision finished with, you can still catch the first and second semi finals on iPlayer, along with the grand final.

Bafta television nominations for 2012 announced

Appropriate Adult, ITV’s crime drama about the killer Fred West, leads the nominations at this year’s British Academy Television Awards.

The ITV drama has four nominations which are in the leading actor category for Dominic West, leading actress for Emily Watson, supporting actress for Monica Dolan as well as a nomination for mini series.

Sherlock, Twenty Twelve, Scott and Bailey and The Great British Bake Off are among other nominations that have been announced.

The awards will be presented at Royal Festival Hall on May 27th, by Dara O’Briain who is also a nominee for his performances on Mock the Week.

Below are the Bafta television nominations in full.



Leading actor
Benedict Cumberbatch – Sherlock
Dominic West – Appropriate Adult
John Simm – Exile
Joseph Gilgun – This is England ’88


Supporting actor
Andrew Scott – Sherlock
Joseph Mawle – Birdsong
Martin Freeman – Sherlock
Stephen Rea – The Shadowline

Male Performance in a comedy programme
Brendan O’Carroll – Mrs Brown’s Boys
Darren Boyd – Spy
Hugh Bonneville – Twenty Twelve
Tom Hollander – Rev.

Entertainment performance
Alan Carr – Alan Carr Chatty Man
Dara O’Briain – Mock the Week
Graham Norton – The Graham Norton Show
Harry Hill – Harry Hill’s TV Burp

Mini series
Appropriate Adult
The Crimson Petal and the White
This is England ’88
Top Boy

Soap and continuing drama
Coronation Street
Eastenders
Holby City
Shameless

Factual series
The Choir: Military Wives
Educating Essex
Our War
Protecting our children

Single documentary
9/11: The day that changed the world
The fight of their lives
Terry Pratchett: Choosing to die
We need to talk about Dad

Reality and constructed factual
An Idiot Abroad
Don’t Tell The Bride
Made in Chelsea
The Young Apprentice

News coverage
BBC News at Ten: Siege of Homs
Channel 4 News: Japan earthquake
ITV News at Ten: Battle of Misrata
Sky News: Libya rebel convoy

New media
Autumn Watch
The Bank Job
Misfits
Psychoville

Comedy programme
Charlie Brooker’s 2011 Wipe
Comic Strip: The Hunt for Tony Blair
The Cricklewood Greats
Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle


Leading actress
Emily Watson – Appropriate Adult
Nadine Marshall – Random
Ramola Garai – The Crimson Petal
Vicky McClure – This is England ’88


Supporting actress
Anna Chancellor – The Hour
Maggie Smith – Downton Abbey
Miranda Hart – Call the Midwife
Monica Dolan – Appropriate Adult

Female performance in a comedy programme
Jennifer Saunders – Absolutely Fabulous
Olivia Colman – Twenty Twelve
Ruth Jones – Stella
Tamsin Greig – Friday Night Dinner

Single drama
Holy Flying Circus
Page Eight
Random
Stolen

Drama series
The Fades
Misfits
Scott and Bailey
Spooks

International
Borgen
The Killing
Modern Family
The Slap

Specialist factual
British Masters
Frozen Planet
Mummifying Alan
Wonders of the Universe

Feature
DIY SOS: The Big Build
Hairy Bikers’ Meals on Wheels
The Great British Bake Off
Timothy Spall: Somewhere at Sea

Current affairs
Bahrain: Shouting in the Dark
Sri Lanka’s Killing Fields
The Truth About Adoption
Undercover Care: The Abuse Exposed

Sport and live event
Frankenstein’s Wedding: Live in Leeds
The Royal Wedding
Rugby World Cup Final
Tour De France 2011

Entertainment programme
Celebrity Juice
Derren Brown: The Experiments
Harry Hill’s TV Burp
Michael McIntyre’ Christmas Comedy Roadshow

Situation comedy
Fresh Meat
Mrs Brown’s Boys
Friday Night Dinner
Rev.


What do you think about the nominations? Has your favourite programme been missed out, or are you happy that your favourite show has been given a Bafta television nomination? Let us know what you think.

The Borrowers missed the mark

One of the Christmas offerings from the BBC this year was The Borrowers, a modern adaptation of the Mary Norton classic.

Although it is a well-known story it hasn’t been adapted for the screen many times. It was made into a film in the 1970s and once again in the 1990s, and more recently an anime version from Studio Ghibli. But the television series of the 1990s with Penelope Wilton and Ian Holm is one of my all time favourite shows, let alone adaptation of The Borrowers, so this new version had a lot to live up to.

There is no doubt that scenes were a very small man treats the humble living room as an assault course all to get one Quality Street for pudding is mesmerising. But after that it just felt weird.

The cast, all good actors, just felt wrong. Christopher Eccleston as Pod saved the borrowers once before and retired before reaching 50. Sharon Horgan as Homily had raised a child begging to join the adult world at 40 and now Victoria Wood is a grandmother to quite a grown up child. All this miscasting of ages made it jar slightly.

And Stephen Fry being evil and lusting after Victoria Wood was strange.

My biggest annoyance about the show was the modernisation of it. As a child I loved Arrietty, she owned a miniature book set and wrote in her diary using a small pencil but to her was one of those inconveniently large pencils.

She acted like a teenager does, wanting to be like her parents and at the same time not. But in this version she wanted a man to call her own and that man should not be her father.

So she stumbles out into the world to find Spiller, who has now become a tearaway (made obvious by the fact that he is wearing a leather jacket) and had set his eyes on Arrietty.

This modern update of the story completely missed the important bit that Spiller was actually a nice person just wild and knew more about the world than Arrietty. They developed a friendship which allowed Arrietty to get to know more about the world rather than just she found a pretty man to kiss.

So I found this Christmas treat completely missed the mark as it just took the originally story at face value and missed the important aspects of growing up and why Arrietty is such a good character, rather than a girl annoyingly screeching at her father about nothing.

All I want for Christmas is lots of television

As we are only seven weeks away from Christmas Day it is time to speculate about what will be on our television screens for the big day and look at some of the highlights so far.

The BBC has the usual big players with the Strictly Come Dancing special, Doctor Who  and a Top Gear special which this year is in India, according to Jeremy Clarkson.

ITV so far has been keeping most of its Christmas plans as secret as Santa’s naughty and nice list. All that is known so far is there will be a Christmas episode of Downton Abbey.

However, there are a few surprises slipped away in our seasonal stocking. Channel 4 will be showing what Gypsy King, and Big Brother winner, Paddy and his family do at Christmas and of course some snowy weddings take place as well.

There is the usual fill of cookery and craft programmes with Jamie’s Christmas, River Cottage Christmas and Gordon’s Christmas Cook-a-long Live just on Channel 4 alone, with Kirstie Allsopp’s Handmade Britain series, which is on at the moment, culminating with two Christmas themed specials.

The BBC’s big drama adaptations include a three-part special of Great Expectations and The Borrowers, with Stephen Fry, Victoria Wood and Christopher Eccleston. Whilst ITV has Lawrence Fox in the depressing sounding Christmas drama Fast Freddie, The Widow and Me, which follows a car salesman who is found guilty of drink driving. Channel 4 has a yuletide edition of This is England 88.

And Christmas would not be complete with a good laugh, the Beeb has a Christmas edition of most of its big comedy series such as QI, Rev, Mock the Week and Outnumbered. But making another return is Absolutely Fabulous with a Christmas and New Year’s Day special.

Channel 4 has the, now well established, Big Fat Quiz of the Year hosted by Jimmy Carr, Chris Moyle’s Christmas Quiz as well as a Christmas and New Year edition of Alan Carr’s Chattyman.

However, my highlight will be the Aardman special. No Wallace and Gromit this year but there will be a 30 minute Christmas Eve special of Timmy Time.

An afternoon with Diagnosis Murder

What sounds more like a past time of the unemployed than watching repeats of repeats of repeats of Diagnosis Murder? Well that is exactly how I am spending my days, and productively I am sure you can imagine.

However, now that I have joined this world it is no longer as exciting as it was when you were a child off from school with a bug and blagging the extra few days to enjoy watching television all day and having no work to do.

Now you may think this is going to becoming depressing because when you were a kid the allure of Diagnosis Murder is not as enticing now that I am racked with guilt as I try to find a job.

But no, it is more that it is a repeat of an episode I can remember word perfect and already know who the killer is.

For example today I saw John Schneider, better known as Superman’s father in Smallville, turn up and already know what the next few episodes are building to  and how they will beat it.

So a word of warning to any young readers, if you think you are living the high life by watching old shows when you should be at school don’t do it otherwise you are ruining your future.

Nightmare Nancy strictly deluded

The live shows of Strictly Come Dancing haven’t even begun but already gossip columns are fit to burst with rumours from the training rooms.

At the centre of most of the stories (which is exactly how she likes it) is Nancy Dell Olive Oil. This year’s prima donna, Nancy has reportedly already been making a nuisance of herself and rubbing fellow contestants up the wrong way.

She didn’t exactly ingratiate herself with viewers in the launch show either, modestly declaring herself to be ‘the second most famous Italian after Sophia Loren.’ Obviously Pavarotti, Marco Polo, Michelangelo, Leonardo (or in fact any of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) must have slipped her mind. She has since gone on to claim that she alone is ‘bigger than “The X Factor”’.

Not sure about her, but her ego perhaps, yes.

Luckily her dance partner, the brilliant Anton du Beke (who deserved SO much better this year – don’t even get me started…!) knows just how to handle her, taking everything she says and does with a pinch of salt and a good dose of humour.

Anton takes it on the chin...

He has apparently quipped of Nancy and his former partner Ann Widdecombe, “They are almost the same. I mean Nancy and Ann they are like peas in a pod and I can’t tell them apart, I make them wear badges. “ Naturally this has delighted fans, if not Nancy.

His teasing has not improved her behaviour however. Behind the scenes she has been apparently been making a series of diva-ish demands. Her requirements are said to include a massage after every performance, champagne in her dressing room and special stiletto dancing shoes instead of the ‘frumpy’ ballroom heels all the pro-girls and other celebs wear.

It is said that she rejected a taxi sent to pick her up by the BBC because it didn’t have blacked out windows, necessary for her privacy.

Her spoilt actions have not gone unnoticed by the other celebrities. Edwina Currie is said to be disgusted, although her antipathy for the deluded ex-wife of football manager, Sven Goran Eriksson was originally prompted by Nancy being overheard asking who Edwina was.

Since then something of a feud has developed between the pair with Edwina said to be jealous of Nancy’s costumes, feeling while Nancy’s are sexy and modern, hers are dull and mumsy.  Consequently she has asked for her hemlines to be raised and necklines to be more plunging. *Shudder*

It seems Nancy certainly has a lot to answer for…

Catch the live shows of Strictly starting next week, Friday 30th September and Saturday 1st October.

New Tricks old hat?

The BBC has only just announced the proud return of their most popular television drama, New Tricks for two further series. So it came as quite a shock when James Bolam suddenly announced he’s pulling out of the show.

The 76 year old is quitting after 8 series as Jack Halford, one quarter of the UCOS team along with Amanda Redman, Alun Armstrong and Dennis Waterman.

Apparently he thinks the show has ‘gone stale’. Silly old man!

Ok, ok, I’m not here to make ageist remarks. I like James Bolam and I love the series. He’s an excellent actor and his character, Jack is very endearing and a great role model for the older man. But to suggest the drama has gone stale is ridiculous. It attracts nearly 10million viewers every week and 10million people can’t be wrong. The fact is he’s just got bored.

But whilst his shock announcement has thrown things into disarray the producers still plan to go on without him.  And rightly so in my opinion.

There’s no denying Sandra, Brian, Jack and Gerry make a grand team, with Bolam’s character at the heart, but it shouldn’t be hard to write him out (aside from a cameo they are trying to persuade him to make) and carry on alone.

Ever since the death of his wife in a hit and run, Jack has been sad and world-weary. It would fit quite easily into the story if he’d decided he’d had enough and was re-retiring, to take things easy and slowly try and come to terms with his grief.

Brian, Sandra, Jack and Gerry

Sandra Pullman will still be there to co-ordinate her team, Brian will continue using his encyclopaedic knowledge, impressive memory and computer skills and Gerry will bowl around as normal in his car, questioning people and generally being the group’s answer to a macho man.  If anything, Jack was the one with the least individuality. If this was real, I feel certain the three of them would have soldiered on

Alternatively, it would be fun if they found a new recruit. Personally I think it would be fantastic if they got Bernard Cribbins in on the act! He’s the right age and a real character as he proved most recently as Wilf in Doctor Who.

Unfortunately the BBC don’t have me as an adviser so I feel this is unlikely, but I shall thoroughly look forward to seeing what happens…

Have a Doctor Wholiday

Holidaying in Britain can be great. There are loads of things to explore and discover from pretty seaside towns and beautiful beaches, to vibrant cities, historic monuments and breath-taking countryside.

It might not be exotic but staying in the UK really doesn’t need to equal boredom.  If you are getting tired of the good old British seaside and other normal activities however, why not try something a bit different and go touring locations from your favourite TV shows?

From personal experience, as a massive Doctor Who geek, I have visited a number of locations from my favourite DW episodes and it never stops being exciting!

Just check the locations guide online (see below), making sure your location is either in a public space like a street or a park, or a place that is open that day such as a stately home, ensure your camera battery is charged and off you go.

It can be strangely satisfying to recognise even small things from your favourite show and know you’re following in the footsteps of your favourite actors. Recreating pictures and scenes from the episode is particularly fun if you’re as sad as me!

Millennium Centre, Cardiff

For fellow Doctor Who-addicts a holiday to Wales is a real treat, as almost everything is filmed there these days. In Cardiff, for example, you can find locations all over the city from dozens of episodes. The Millennium Centre and the Tiger Bay area are instantly recognisable from Doctor Who and were also home to the Torchwood Hub in series 1-3.

In Cardiff you can see the department store used as Rose’s workplace Henricks in ‘Rose’, the restaurant where the ninth Doctor dined with the Margaret Blaine slitheen in ‘Boom Town,’ the house posing as Magpie Electricals in ‘The Idiot’s Lantern’, the hospital from ‘New Earth’, as well as literally hundreds of other locations.

Visiting Cardiff also has the added advantage of being able to go and see the excellent Doctor Who exhibition in The Red Dragon Centre comprising copious pieces of scenery, props, costumes and even things like actual daleks and ood masks.

Matt Smith's Doctor at the castle in 'Amy's Choice'

The other day I went to visit a little village called Skenfrith, Monomouthshire which is where the series 5 episode ‘Amy’s Choice’ was filmed. In one tiny settlement I was able to see the old people’s home, the castle where the children got turned to salt, the church that Amy and Rory sat in front of and other general backdrops that I recognised from the show. It was very exciting.

And it’s not only Wales that is home to these locations. London has featured quite heavily in a number of episodes, such as ‘Aliens of London’, ‘World War Three’ and ‘The Shakespeare Code’, which was filmed in the Globe Theatre.

To help start your search check out the excellent BBC Doctor Who locations guide. You can even find out if they’ve filmed an episode, old or new, near where you live!

http://www.doctorwholocations.net/