TV highlights: Louis Walsh, Daleks, damp squids and royals doing weather reports

The past week in television has been reality programmes and a whole host of animals doing things live. In among all that you may have missed some of the highlights from the week. Not to worry though as we pick out the best bits of telly from this week.

Celebrity Deal or no Deal

Last weekend the celebrity versions of the game show saw music manager and TV judge Louis Walsh take on the boxes. So far Walsh has had the best people to open the boxes for him, varying from Kate Thornton, to Wagner and Jedward (they had two boxes between them). Also he quite genuinely wanted to do well for the charity, so Walsh is noticeably nervous throughout the show but he does well.

Even though Deal or No Deal can be a hard watch, I mean it is fronted by Noel Edmonds who keeps referring to the place as ‘the dream factory’, the celeb versions have brought new life to the format. In addition the pressure that the celebrities find themselves under when trying to do their best for a charity is unbelievable, and led to Jimmy Carr only winning £750 for charity, instead of the offered £14,000.

You can watch Louis Walsh’s Celebrity Deal or No Deal on 4OD.

Britain’s Got Talent

I have a confession; I have never watched Britain’s Got Talent. So the other night when left to my own devices and with full control over the television remote, I decided to catch a few moments of the show.

And what I saw was confusing. A grown man was wearing a suit, made to look like a Dalek from Doctor Who. He was also wearing a saucepan with sequins on. And then a range of colourful washing machines with baskets on top came on stage as well as Dalek back up.

The man’s talent was that he could do an impersonation of a Dalek, which wasn’t bad considering it was just his voice not put through any machines or software. But his performance led to the judges, Alesha Dixon and Amanda Holden, wearing saucepans on their heads.

You can watch this and the other high calibre contestants on ITV Player.

Damp squid

Nadine Dorres, a Conservative MP, took part in Have I Got News For You this week. Ian Hislop took his usual relish in poking fun at the politicians that come on the show, but Dorres embarrassed herself in a small way.

When talking about the Leveson Inquiry she called it a bit of a ‘damp squid’, when the phrase is actually damp squib.

This malapropism also forms part of the plot for an episode of The IT Crowd, where the characters discover they all know phrases that they have misremembered in some way.

You can watch Have I Got News For You on BBC iPlayer and The IT Crowd over on 4OD.

Prince Charles doing the weather

And finally Prince Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall dropped by BBC Scotland for a tour and ended up presenting the weather. I think Charles was quite good, and maybe presenting is something that the Royal family should start to consider in the future.

Gilmore Girls return by starting from the beginning on 5*

The US family drama Gilmore Girls used to be on a constant repeat on E4, poor Rory Gilmore would grow up, graduate and start her life as an adult only for the show to hurtle back to the beginning to see Rory back in school again. However, E4 decided that when the series came to an end last year that would be the last time for them. But that turned out to not be the end for Gilmore Girls, as 5* picked up the series and is due to start showing on the channel from today.

Gilmore Girls, which began in 2000, follows the lives of mother and daughter Lorelai and Rory Gilmore. Lorelai, who left her wealthy parents after she became pregnant at 16, has set up her own life in cosy village Stars Hollow where she decided to raise her daughter, Rory.

The show has no real on going storyline, in that sense it is more like a soap as the characters just carry on with their lives. It is this sense of realism that drags you in; the will they won’t glove storyline for Luke and Lorelai, what mad idea has Emily Gilmore come up with now and Rory has to deal with constant essays and exams.

Most episodes the plot revolves around how best friends Lorelai and Rory haven’t told the other one something, which creates a lot of angst until they eventually hug it out and celebrate by eating junk food and slouching on the couch. When Rory is younger she isn’t keen on telling her mum trivial things like getting a low mark on a paper, or that she likes a boy. Strangely this is when the series is best as when Rory gets older she starts worrying about jobs, marriage proposals, dropping out of Yale and getting arrested for stealing a boat. All a bit heavy.

What pulls you in is the characters, all of them are interesting, well-rounded characters. Lorelai’s best friend Sookie St James provides moral support, while Lorelai’s ongoing glove interest, Luke Danes, regularly goes out of his way to help people and doesn’t make a big deal of it. Not only are they nice but you want them to be happy and fulfilled. For instance I have watched Gilmore Girls with people who aren’t particularly fussed by the show, but when Luke and Lorelai have, yet again, broken up and both regret this decision, even the person who doesn’t care about the show wants to see them back together.

Even though I have never been one for village life, Stars Hollow comes across as an interesting place to live. Not only does it seem to hold cutesy village festivals every weekend, everyone knows and cares about everyone else, in fact most of Stars Hollow is responsible for raising Rory. And to add to that, in the winter months the town is covered in fairy lights, as well as about two feet of snow, giving it that enchanting small American town feel.

The show is also littered with pop culture references, which are usually fired between mother and daughter Gilmore in their conversations. It is also very ambitious as Rory wants to go to an Ivy League school and become a reporter, and through hard work she does. Likewise Lorelai, whilst working on helping Rory out, wants her own successful which she gets. Failure is rarely seen in the show.

It is not as cutesy as it sounds, but I recommend giving it a go as Gilmore Girls is on 5* every week day at 5pm, or you can buy a box set of the entire series from Amazon.

What is the best bit of Harry Hill’s TV Burp? There’s only one way to find out …

Last weekend was sadly the final time that Harry Hill will mock and point fun at the week’s television as TV Burp finished after 11 years. What started off as a late night Thursday comedy show ended up becoming essential Saturday family viewing. However, after months of speculation about the future of the show Hill has now confirmed that the show has ended.

Whilst this is sad news and means that you can no longer watch television finding the bits that you expect to be ridiculed by Hill later in the week, we here at TV Talk have decided to remember the good times and take a look at his best bits.

The characters

TV Burp had an array of characters ranging from soft toys to caricatures. One was a spoof of Heather from Eastenders who was in fact a man dressed as a woman who was also on the lookout for a sausage. And in a strange twist of fate Heather from Eastenders, a character that Hill had lovingly poked fun at since her arrival on the square, was killed off in the same week as the last TV Burp.

During The X Factor in 2010, the show created Wagbo the supposed love child of two of the year’s contestants Mary Byrne and Wagner. Wagbo was a bit of a wild child and each week would escape the confines of the studio and go on the rampage throughout the UK as the show played footage of him scaring people in shopping centres as well as on the sets for a variety of ITV programmes.

But I think my favourite character has to be Knitted Character who was originally seen in Eastenders and then ended up being involved in a lot of TV Burp sketches. During his time he was a judge on The K Factor: So You Think You Can Knit? as well as playing a part in Where has the Knitted Character been this week? where he would hide in different television shows each week to be spotted by eager viewers. He was also keen on riding a particularly wobbly jelly, which Hill would allow him to do regularly.

Phrases

In a bizarre TV Burp moment Hill latched onto a character in Emmerdale saying “cataracts?” once and made this into a recurring joke. Each week more and more people would say ‘cataracts’ for the fun of it leading to an impressive finale where 41 cameos where made in total just to say cataracts.

For some reason repeating a word in a funny voice is hilarious when Harry Hill does it, which is why his coverage of BBC Three show Freaky Eaters was a must see. Each week the participants of Freaky Eaters would confess that they had survived the past three years by eating nothing but only one kind of food and then it would fall to Hill to deal with this in an proper manner — by shouting the foods they would eat in a silly way. The best was, of course, chippy chips.

The fights

The fights have become part of popular culture now and are easily the best bit of the show. To find out if that statement is true there is only one way to find out … watch the video below.

So there we have it, the end of an era and the end of a very good show. I think it is safe to say that there will be nothing else like on Saturday evenings ever again. To catch the very last episode before we are left in a world which is TV Burpless then head over to ITV Player.

Holy flypaper! Batman’s back on TV…

You can’t beat the original. That’s the general rule isn’t it? It’s certainly never been truer than with Batman- his TV incarnations anyway. Strictly speaking the comic came first of course, but our favourite Dynamic Duo are undoubtedly better in 3D running, fighting and shouting ‘Holy flypaper Batman!’

So Batman hit our screens in 1966, with a series starring Adam West as The Caped Crusader and Burt Ward as Robin coming up against enemies including The Penguin, Catwoman and The Riddler.

And all these years later it has not been bettered, not by Val Kilmer, not even by Christian Bale. Because nothing can recreate the camp magic of early Batman. Something ITV4 have obviously realised as they have been showing it regularly, much to my delight.

It wasn’t for nothing that I would borrow the Batman from the video shop every single week as a child.

The shiny, lycra costumes (which Batman himself freely admits during one episode are based around a leotard) and the amazing comedy fights more than made up for the fact that he’s a bit of a pathetic superhero. That really doesn’t matter. What better way to create the illusion that you are hard than to have the words ‘POW!’ ‘SOCK!’ ‘BIFF!’ pop up, convincing people that your gentle shove has indeed propelled a muscle-bound henchman right across the room?

It’s not just the hilariously lame fight scenes that are so endearing but also some of the ingenious storylines and dialogue.

Such gems include the way in which Alfred deals with Batman and Robin being made into flat cardboard cut-outs after being blasted with a ray gun. By popping them into the ‘Three Dimensional Bat Restorer’, handily located in the Bat Cave. Well duh?!

Equally handy is arch villain Minerva’s ‘Deepest Secret Extractor’ and Batman’s ‘Steam Neutralising Bat Pellets’ which conveniently saved him and Robin’s bacon when they were being boiled in a steamer. It’s amazing what you can fit into a Utility Belt.

Sparkling dialogue is also aplenty. Robin’s regular utterances of ‘Holy *insert random noun here*Batman’ are his catchphrase, my favourites being ‘Holy refillable prescriptions Batman’ and ‘Holy bargain basements Batman’ exclaimed with gay abandon.

But my favourite conversation between the pair went like this. Robin: Batgirl looks very pretty when she’s asleep. Batman: I thought you’d notice this soon Robin. It signals the first oncoming thrust  of manhood, old chum.

Beat THAT if you can.

* Watch retro Batman on ITV4, weekdays at 3:50pm

An afternoon with Diagnosis Murder

What sounds more like a past time of the unemployed than watching repeats of repeats of repeats of Diagnosis Murder? Well that is exactly how I am spending my days, and productively I am sure you can imagine.

However, now that I have joined this world it is no longer as exciting as it was when you were a child off from school with a bug and blagging the extra few days to enjoy watching television all day and having no work to do.

Now you may think this is going to becoming depressing because when you were a kid the allure of Diagnosis Murder is not as enticing now that I am racked with guilt as I try to find a job.

But no, it is more that it is a repeat of an episode I can remember word perfect and already know who the killer is.

For example today I saw John Schneider, better known as Superman’s father in Smallville, turn up and already know what the next few episodes are building to  and how they will beat it.

So a word of warning to any young readers, if you think you are living the high life by watching old shows when you should be at school don’t do it otherwise you are ruining your future.

Sooty Sweeps back into action

There is a new series of Sooty over on CITV and the great thing about it — it is good!

I was skeptical as this beloved show from my childhood was fantastic (and my 21-year-old self will maintain that it was fantastic).

Originally started back in 1948 with Harry Corbett who then passed it on to his son Matthew Corbett in the 1970s.

Matthew Corbett is the man I remember as Sooty’s operator who lived with the bear as well as Soo and Sweep and other characters who would drop by now and again, as well as amusing celebrity cameos.

Then Matthew Corbett passed the bear baton to Richard Cadell and the company moved to a hotel, and this is where I stopped watching. It felt embarrassing and strange and went against what I knew as the show.

However, I happened to catch some of the new series on CITV and was pleasantly surprised. The company has now moved into a caravan holiday camp which feels slightly dated but is fun and creates a nice atmosphere. It also has the mini sets for the puppets back, which are adorable.

It also has the celebrity cameos in abundance. Some are questionable as they needed milk and eggs so found the local friendly farmer Keith Chegwin, and Justin Lee Collins playing a Wacky Races villain. There will be a delay to see Paul Daniels with the puppets though as he had to go to A and E after Sooty through a pizza at him.

My only complaint is that the opening titles are nowhere near as awesome as the ones in the 90s.

Who killed CITV?

Maybe because it’s the summer holidays and they need more shows to entertain the kids while they’re off school, but ITV have been re-running a load of old dramas from my childhood, bringing me a lot of pleasure in recent months.

Programmes like The Worst Witch, pretty much my favourite when I was about eleven, My Parents are Aliens and Bernard’s Watch, then The New Worst Witch, which arrived a while later,  have all been, or are currently being re-shown on the CITV Channel.

Watching back these old gems, as well as giving me a lovely sense of nostalgia makes me realise several things.

CITV used to be so good. Take The Worst Witch for example. It’s all such fun. The acting, by the majority of the child stars, is a bit on the wooden side and the special effects are comical. The broomstick flying is wobbly and the ‘magic’ is…well…it’s definitely nothing to rival Harry Potter, let’s put it that way.

worst witch

The Worst Witch

But then, it was made way back in 1998 and at a fraction of the HP budget, so what can we expect? It’s really all quite charming.

Seeing these shows made me ask: what an earth has happened to CITV? It’s such a shame that ITV has so neglected its children’s programming, especially its drama. Ditching kids’ tv from the main channel and shoving it all into CITV where no one much sees it have made them lazy. It’s no longer live and they don’t even have a presenter any more.

Besides a few rubbishy new cartoon series and the odd decent magic show fronted by Stephen Mulhern, CITV has little to offer other than endless Horrid Henry reruns and now repeats of The Worst Witch and similar. Without these golden oldies the channel would have no drama at all, which is a shame, as it used to have lots.

CBBC on the other hand is doing a fine job commissioning new dramas of all sorts, all the time. Yup. ITV has given up on its kids.

This is a shame, not only for its viewers but because it used to be such a good platform for home-grown young talent.

I’d forgotten how many familiar faces from today’s tv shows first got their big break appearing in CITV dramas.

The Worst Witch stars Felicity Jones as Ethel Hallow in the first series and Jessica Fox as Enid Nightshade. Unlike some of the others these girls were good. Felicity Jones has since starred in Northanger Abbey, Brideshead Revisited and even the movie, Cemetery Junction. Jessica Fox has been starring in Hollyoaks (ok, it’s not quite hollyWOOD but still) for a number of years now.

In The New Worst Witch, Alice Connor played Hettie and Annabel Barnston, Hettie’s friend Mona. Since then Connor has starred in movie, The Thief Lord and Barnston in popular new comedy Coming of Age. Obviously there are plenty of others too.

Ten years ago CITV was thriving, discovering new talent and providing children (like me) with great drama to entertain and inspire imagination. So what went wrong?

I’m really not sure. It’s probably down to budget like everything else. But it’s not cool. I think it’s time to shape up CITV or face a bleak future.

Hey, hey we’re The Monkees

My childhood was a strange mix of the normal selection of programming for kids as well as watching repeats of 1980s alternative comedy. However, one of my favourite shows was The Monkees. Essentially think of it as the 1960s version of S Club 7 series Miami 7.

It used to be part of Channel 4′s flagship breakfast show The Big Breakfast sandwiched in between jokes about Johnny Vaughn’s plums and alien puppet duo Zig and Zag.

The series followed four young men as they desperately tried to get a gig but instead the plot would become Chuckle Brothersesque as the band found out that their new employers didn’t appreciate their music just wanted them to teach music to his self-made pet monster. Or saving a bankrupt circus by pretending to be French tightrope walkers.

This wasn’t just the odd episode that was a bit crazy as a diversion from the regular storyline of band wants more gigs every episode — the whole show was just crazy.

Each episode contained songs from the The Monkees as, depending on the plot, would either perform for a crowd or a one of their songs would accompany the mad cap ending.

It was a strange scenario as The Monkees were a manufactured band who had been selected through auditions as music moguls wanted to make an American version of The Beatles. Thereby creating a band who had a television about themselves except they weren’t really playing themselves nor playing out their real lives.

But who cared? It was silly, comical and knew what kind of programme it was. In fact it seemed like sometimes they themselves were shocked at the success of it as revealed in small interviews sometimes tacked on the end when an episode had run short.

But then I reached my teenage years and much like when you hide away your teddies behind that big poster of the band you currently like I hid my tapes of episodes away.

That is until I then came out of the teenage years and realised all over again that it was just silly fun with stupid gags and nothing to be ashamed of. I would be more ashamed to say I watched X Factor or any other Saturday evening entertainment than I watch The Monkees.