Author Archives: Emma

Julian Clary: the unlikely saviour of Celebrity Big Brother

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I have a horrible, terrible confession. I feel dirty even saying it but this year I have been just a tiny bit…wooed by Celebrity Big Brother. There, I said it, so excuse me while I take a cold shower.

Having never watched more than a couple of atrocious episodes, I was firmly of the opinion that Big Brother should have been axed long ago. And in fact, I still am. After this series it should bow out as gracefully as it can given that it’s Big Brother. It’s a very tired and dull format and usually takes advantage of desperate and unstable people. Worse than that, it’s insanely boring.

But that was until Julian Clary was installed in the house. I accidentally turned over and found myself viewing a repeat of one of the early episodes, where I recognised the deliciously beautiful Samantha Brick aboard a kiddy slot machine ride and Julian Clary, who was bobbing about in a swan boat, discussing, amongst other things, the plucking of facial hair with Julie Goodyear.

And in that instant I realised I couldn’t switch over. I haven’t been able to bring myself to watch regularly but I now feel that if I catch the odd repeat then that doesn’t automatically make me a bad person. Julian is already my winner and always makes me smile.

Shy and retiring Julian

I always liked him and his humour but expected him to be prickly and a little cold in everyday life. In fact he comes across really well, popular with most housemates and actually rather sweet and kind. He’s still hilariously cutting – primarily regarding The Situation who he’s rebranded The Occasional Table – but this is mostly confined to the Diary Room and comes across as teasing, rather than full-on bitchy.

Julian’s typically innuendo filled bedtime story task, resulting in him being allowed to see his beloved dogs Albert and Valerie in the diary room was another touching moment. ‘Excuse me while I blow a raspberry on Albert’s inner thigh. Please avert your eyes,’ said Julian, causing amusement to the watching housemates.

All the hoo-ha with the supposed love triangle between reality tv ‘stars’ and z-list models who get bought expensive presents from strange men holds little appeal for me and nor do the evictions – if Julian was to get voted out, then I would stop watching. I am sick to death of them accusing eachother of being ‘fake’. The only person who seems to be being two-faced in my opinion is Julie Goodyear. I wouldn’t mind her leaving for her nasty behaviour towards the lovely Coleen Nolan.

I know some people like all this ‘drama’ but I’d be very happy for it all to stay light-hearted, fun and frothy. I don’t need any fighting and nastiness. I just need more Julian in my life.

 

It’s Vexed and so am I

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Over two years have passed since the first series of spoof police drama Vexed  and finally it’s back, although minus original female lead Lucy Punch (now found starring in movie, The Wedding Video).

Unfortunately though she’s not the only thing that Vexed is missing. It would seem that she has taken all the top quality scripts with her.

I’ve got to admit that it’s been so long that I don’t remember a great deal about Series 1, other than the fact that Toby Stephens as DI Jack Armstrong reminded me oddly of Kenneth Branagh’s Benedick in Much Ado and that it made me laugh a lot so Mum and I would look forward to it weekly. But now the laughs are rather few and far between.

DI Jack Armstrong and detective Georgina Dixon

Thanks to its brilliant stars, Stephens and Miranda Raison as detective Georgina Dixon – it must be said that the drop in the standard of the show is certainly not down to her – the programme remains very watchable. But knowing the producers have winning characters ready made and these two naturally comical actors on board and are wasting them makes the whole thing even more vexing.

My main issue with the scripts is their reliance on constantly unfunny sexual jokes and innuendo to get cheap laughs. I’m not offended by it and I realise a bit of naughty banter is only natural between male and female work colleagues but after a while its relentlessness starts to get a bit embarrassing and predictable.

Jack’s suspicion that every victim or suspect’s crime/demise is somehow related to their sexual orientation is bordering on obsessive. On one occasion he was proved right but in the previous episode he was determined the victim was gay based on no solid evidence whatsoever. He was totally wrong. If he mentions gays or lesbians again this week I will be bored.

In addition some more exciting storylines might be nice. Actually this isn’t a major issue but the investigation last week revealing the body in the river got there by the poor man reversing his car into the water by accident wasn’t the most thrilling of resolutions.

Hopefully this series will pick up a bit but for Series 3 (if there is one) writers, take note: more sophisticated humour please! I don’t want to be vexed again.

To catch up on the latest episode watch it on BBC iPlayer

Olympic gold TV

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I’m not sure quite what this post is for. Mostly it’s just an excuse for why TV Talk’s been so quiet lately as well as a little bit of a celebration for our brilliant athletes. Because it must be said we’ve been somewhat distracted these last few weeks by the London 2012 Olympics.

As I write this, Great Britain are a comfortable third on the medal table with 22 gold medals, 13 silver and 13 bronze trailing only the US and China. It’s an outstanding achievement by Team GB and has made for some thoroughly addictive TV. Highlights include Andy Murray’s epic win against Federer to bring home tennis gold, Jessica Ennis’ heptathlon victory, Mo Farah’s 10,000m win (bizarrely he found this more satisfying than beating the Cube) and Bradley Wiggins’ cycling glory.

Andy Murray celebrates Olympic gold

Even for less avid sports fans The Games have provided drama aplenty, suspense, inspiration, thrills and surprises. There has been tears and laugher as amazing real life characters experience joy and disappointment. Who needs a drama or a soap opera when you have it all right here in London?

So forgive us for scarcely watching, reading or talking about anything else for the last week – and I wouldn’t expect things to change too much until the Olympics move on to Rio!

But anyone not swept away by The Games might like to take a look at about the only three other things I’ve managed to watch and enjoy recently. When this distraction of Olympic proportions is over I’ll write about spoof detective drama Vexed, Gypsy Wedding spin-off Thelma’s Gypsy Girls and documentary-with-a-twist Undercover Boss properly but why don’t you get up to speed in the meantime?

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Twenty Twelve: Don’t let the Games kill the comedy

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The Olympic Opening Ceremony in all its farmyard-y glory will be beamed across the world tomorrow night. It’s a very exciting time, tempered only by the fact that the long-awaited arrival of the Games also spells the end for exceptional BBC mockumentary Twenty Twelve.

Tuesday’s finale saw Ian Fletcher and his Deliverance Committee handing over the Games to the Live Team, their job done. In fact, this last episode fell a little flat, failing to top the hilarious mishaps of the previous two weeks, which included Ian getting shot by a tampered-with starting pistol, Perfect Curve’s rubbish new campaign to get people excited about women’s football and the disastrous oak tree planting stunt.

Ian Fletcher and the Deliverance Committee

Despite this there were still some very funny moments, especially surrounding The Big Bong plans and Perfect Curve’s lame attempts to acquire Sting to front it, but ending up with Aled Jones. The ending of the ‘will they, won’t they?’ storyline between Ian and PA Sally was immensely frustrating (loud yells of ‘what did he SAY?!’ echoed round our house) but memorable…and does this mean they are leaving the door open to show what happens next with the pair? I hope so!

In fact, personally I don’t think the Olympics need herald the end for this intelligent comedy. If I was the BBC (I’m not but I ought to be) I would already be planning a third series showing the outcome of the Games and the Deliverance Committee’s work, featuring all kinds of hilarious cock-ups with Ian, Siobhan Sharpe and co being hauled back to sort things out. Things like the wrong Korean flag being shown during the women’s football match causing the team to walk off in disgust. Oh wait, that was real…

There’s definitely a lot of mileage left in these brilliant characters. As well as the Games and the aftermath, we could see a lot more of Ian and Sally- a one-off special to show their trip to Umbria would be great, mostly just to see if she can last the length of time it takes to eat a tiramisu without saying ‘not a problem’.

Alternatively they could easily do a spin-off about life in the Perfect Curve offices headed by (the scarily accurate PR) Siobhan Sharpe. A firm like Perfect Curve would be involved in all sorts of interesting (and potentially funny) events and campaigns, providing storylines galore.

Of course any follow up series, or spin-off would have to be voiced by the fantastic David Tennant, who has provided the voiceover for all of Twenty Twelve so far. His perfect dead-pan delivery of a fabulously tongue in cheek script makes for a lot of laughs, if you listen carefully. You could be forgiven for at first thinking it’s a genuine documentary until you hear Tennant’s dulcet tones saying things like ‘rock legend, Aled Jones’ and ‘Mr X- a prolific composer in his own head,’ and you realise it’s not serious.

I’m responding to the sad end of Twenty Twelve by buying the boxset and reliving the magic right from episode one as a comedic accompaniment to the Games themselves. If you want to catch up, take a look at BBC iPlayer.

 

 

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Let’s do Lunch back for another helping…

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I have tried very hard to like Let’s do Lunch with Gino and Mel in the past. Charlotte and I argued about it a lot last summer. She found it fun and different while I missed Loose Women, whose slot it fills while the girls are away on their holidays. But just as Gino started to win me round with his amazing tablecloth trick, the show was over.

Now it’s back on our screens until September and I’m afraid after just one episode it’s reminded me of all the reasons I didn’t like it in the first place. Except I think it’s got a bit worse.

It has all the same characters, the same format, the same good food, the same type of celebrities and the same challenges, only this year it’s all a bit smugger. Having (inexplicably in my view) gone down so well last summer seems to have gone to their heads.

The heads in question: Gino and Mel

Mel has always irritated me a bit – too smiley, too squawky and too crude. On the other hand I loved Gino long before this programme, from his time on This Morning and Daily Cooks Challenge. He was a really talented chef but also had a gorgeous face, cheeky personality and made lots of endearing little faux pas trying to speak English as a second language.

And don’t get me wrong. He still is talented, gorgeous and cheeky but he’s also become a bit full of himself, not helped at all by the audience cheering and whooping at his every word. Now the innuendo which was so funny because it was honestly accidental is starting to sound planned, for a laugh, which takes away half the charm.

He’s branded himself ‘Mr Fantastico’, laps up the audience’s adoring cries and plays up for the cameras. After every challenge he’s convinced he’s brilliant at the new skill, (most recently playing the vegetable trumpet – which he very definitely was not). He’s still a likeable character but I preferred him before.

To give him credit where it’s very definitely due his food looks as good as ever. On yesterday’s series 2 opener, he made a mouth-watering looking beef wellington which guest Jason Manford hoovered up with gusto.

But this makes me think they should focus more on the food and less on the silliness, the flirting with the audience and the messing about. Daily Cooks Challenge showed us you could combine food with celebrity chat and a few laughs but it wasn’t smug and contrived. It did, however contain Antony Worrall Thompson but I guess there’s a downside to everything.

 

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Won’t someone rescue Simon from this f***ing country house?

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I thought we’d seen the last of the infamous F***ing Fulfords but tuning in to Country House Rescue to see new presenter, Simon Davis in action, there they were again, still in their beautiful, crumbling ancestral pile but this time asking for help. Apparently.

New boy Simon in front of another of his projects

Still struggling to make ends meet and still in constant danger of losing Grade 1 listed manor Great Fulford , Francis and Kishanda Fulford want Simon to find a way to make enough money from their Devon home for them to remain living there comfortably. As it is, the ‘pot is empty’ (I suspect long since sold), a large portion of the house is falling into disrepair and they can scarcely afford to heat the small area they live in.

And yet, right from the start this couple are absolutely impossible, refusing to co-operate with anything Simon suggests.

To be fair, I say ‘couple’- I mean Kishanda. Whilst Francis seems an ineffectual and daft old eccentric who reminds me uncannily of a ventriloquist’s dummy, he at least has the grace to give Simon the time of day. Kishanda on the other hand is thoroughly obnoxious from their first meeting, refusing to talk money, accept facts, do anything that isn’t ‘fun’ or to come and see any of Simon’s examples of the type of thing they could do with Great Fulford.

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The Foolish Fulfords

The idea of making it into a successful B&B by reducing the ludicrous £275 a night room prices, is shot down in flames by Kishanda, who walks out when forced to face the fact that at this sum they haven’t had a single paying guest. Similarly the idea of reducing the £4,500 currently charged for weddings in their painfully tired hallway (resulting in no takers) is equally preposterous to her.

Simon’s suggestion of a monthly film club held there is given at least some consideration before being rejected, although it seems like there could be progress when Kishanda develops an enthusiasm instead to set up a jazz club. Simon, swallowing his irritation, manfully encourages her to put her dream into practice.

On his return the signs look good – a pianist, singer and saxophonist are in place and tables are laid out nicely for a meal. However, when he congratulates Kishanda and asks how much she is charging for the evening she is stand-offish and cagey, refusing to divulge any details of costings and walking off (again). It quickly transpires she’s merely holding a party for friends so the whole point of the exercise has been entirely wasted, as has poor Simon’s time (though Kishanda has the nerve to suggest he has wasted hers!)

I wasn’t sure about posh-boy Simon at first, being quite a fan of Ruth Watson. I wonder if she may have had more success with Kishanda, being both a woman and a direct one at that, but it seems unlikely.  Still, Simon’s steely politeness and gentlemanly behaviour in the face of it all really made me warm to him, as a lesser person would have lost their temper.

It’s a pretty annoying episode overall, but if you fancy watching open-mouthed at their bare-faced rudeness, or (more pleasurably) Simon fuming and ranting in his 4×4 (I rather like him when he’s angry) then why not catch up on 4OD.

 

 

 

 

The Power of the Pointless

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Virtually every week without fail it trends worldwide on Twitter: #PointlessCelebrities, with suggestions including Kim Kardashian, Frankie Cocozza, Cher Lloyd and a million others.

Unfortunately the people posting this have jumped on the Twitter band-wagon failing to recognise the reference to hit BBC1 show Pointless (the celebrity version). Still though, it shows the wide-ranging power and appeal of the Beeb’s most successful quiz.

Alexander Armstrong and Pointless friend, Richard

It’s quite remarkable the impact a simple teatime quiz show has had. It seems to have universal appeal to students, pensioners and everyone in between, having usurped Countdown as the nation’s favourite. But what is so special about Pointless?

Well, for starters, it’s refreshingly different. It’s like an educated version of Family Fortunes that someone has turned on its head, the aim being to get as few points as possible by thinking of answers that 100 people wouldn’t have said. And in fact, this is generally harder than it sounds.

The rounds themselves are endearingly specific, for instance ‘Name a foreign contestant who has competed in Series 1-8 of Strictly Come Dancing’. This usually results in a panic on the faces of around half the contestants, whilst one or two are able to smugly revel in their piles of Strictly annuals at home. And the same goes for any topic. In normal life your extensive knowledge of the suspension bridges of Britain or the hits of Meatloaf released between 1980 and 1986 may not be a particular advantage, but in Pointless this is your moment to shine.

Importantly though, if you don’t know an answer you are not made to feel small and stupid. It’s all kept light-hearted and friendly, fronted by the affable Alexander Armstrong, who, despite his own enormous intellect is very sympathetic and consoling when contestants get questions wrong. In fact joining the Two Hundred Club (two answers wrong consecutively) is regarded as quite an achievement.

It’s also pretty funny, especially the banter between Armstrong and his ‘Pointless Friend’ (and quiz master) Richard, a bespectacled and insanely tall* brainbox with a fantastically dry wit.

Now, inevitably, as with any show that proves itself popular, we have celebrity Pointless. It’s a humorous (and typically Pointless) twist that it has been entitled Pointless Celebrities. It’s a testament to the success of the show that they gave the celeb version a Saturday teatime slot and that it has recently trounced other programmes, most notably ITV’s first new episode of Primeval.

Sadly there’s no Pointless this week because of the Wimbledon coverage but avoid withdrawal symptoms by re-visiting it on BBC iPlayer

*Oh and just so you know – 6ft 7″ Richard’s height- while we’re on the subject of pointless facts.

 

Great lunchtime telly: May the Best House Win!

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It might not be a new programme but I cannot go on watching May the Best House Win day after day without commenting on its excellence. Just made for nosy parkers like myself, ITV’s lunchtime show goes one better than Google Street View and let’s us snoop round strangers’ homes and rifle through their knicker drawers via the medium of television.

Every day four contestants compete to win £1000 and a chintzy certificate declaring their home to be the best based on the scores of the other three who tour round the house and judge the experience in terms of décor, style and hospitality.

It’s essentially the same kind of formula as Come Dine, House Guest and Four in a Bed but less about the food and the comfort of the spare room and more about the wallpaper, the dining chairs and the collection of novelty egg cups on the dresser. And really that’s far more interesting.

What amuses me are the people who enter. You’d be forgiven for thinking the homes we would see on the show would be the cream of the crop- large, immaculate and done up to within an inch of their lives. But not at all. The majority of them are just your average semi, a bit cluttered or a bit characterless and it’s a mystery why the homeowner seems so confident of winning. Their guests meanwhile turn their noses up at the hideous blinds or the shabby carpets before turning out to have the same or worse in their homes later on.

Don’t get me wrong. There have been some stunning houses in the series with some lovely period features, amazing views and impressive gadgets but these are fairly unusual. When they do come along they rarely win, being labelled as ‘just too rural,’ ‘just too showy,’ or ‘just not modern enough’ coming second to the nice beige terrace owned by the lady who made the delicious sausage rolls. The winning house usually includes some form of decorative balls arranged in a bowl too, a May the Best House Win phenomenon I’ve never noticed anywhere else.

The most interesting homes are owned by the nutters, however. There is usually one good nutter every couple of days at least. The ones which stand out in my mind are a chap who only wore yellow and whose house was sunshine yellow inside and out, a guy whose coffee table was made from a stuffed crocodile and whose whole basement had been turned into a massive aquarium and a man who’d transformed his home into something out of wartime England, hiding his modern appliances behind pieces of material to pretend they weren’t there.

The yellow house

It’s a fun show, worth a look if you want something to watch while your lunch goes down and you like a gander at other people’s stuff. There’s always bitching, there’s usually a competition to see how many guests can fit into the bath and the best house rarely wins but it’s always a laugh!

 

 

 

 

Dead Boss, taking no prisoners

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Tucked away on BBC3 it would be quite easy to miss brand new prison comedy Dead Boss. But that would be a real shame (dare I say it, criminal?) as it’s actually rather good.

Although very different, it nicely fills the comedy void left by Have I Got New for You on Fridays at 9pm. Written by and starring Pulling‘s Sharon Horgan, Dead Boss is a quirky comedy following likeable main character Helen (Horgan) who has found herself wrongly imprisoned for 12 years for the murder of her boss.

Dead Boss: Sharon Horgan (centre) stars.

Helen (Sharon Horgan) centre

Once inside she devotes all her efforts to finding a way out, with the help of her nice-but-dim arsonist cellmate Christina. But meanwhile she’s up against terrifying fellow prisoner Top Dog (who turns out to be none other than Helen’s ex-supply teacher, intent on revenge for her teenage pranks), as well as Jennifer Saunders’ brilliant prison governor who takes it as a personal slight that Helen wants to leave. On top of that she has to contend with a sister who’s stolen her job, flat and dog and an obsessively stalker-ish work colleague who Helen believes is helping her get out but clearly has very different ideas.

I wasn’t sure about it initially- the opening with a bumbling lawyer was extremely unbelievable and quite silly and some of the characters, especially the tough female prisoners seemed a bit clichéd but by about halfway through I realised I was enjoying it.

Helen is an intelligent, brave and likeable main character and Jennifer Saunders is great. It would very easy to play the governor in an OTT panto fashion but instead she is  very under-stated in her portrayal which makes her far more menacing. There are some genuinely funny and clever lines and in addition a nice little murder mystery is starting to unfold.

The only thing that irritates me about this show is the unbelievable characters, the lawyer being the primary example. Such an inept moron could never be a lawyer and if by some miracle he was, he would never have been employed by a smart woman such as Helen. Since it’s usually the grain of truth that makes things funny, I find all his scenes pretty devoid of humour. Similarly it’s hard to believe that Top Dog was ever allowed anywhere near a school.

But apart from these few little things, the first couple of episodes were impressive and I will definitely carry on watching.

Take a look for yourself on BBC iPlayer

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Alistair McGowan’s back: You cannot be serious!

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Eight years after his Big Impression, Alistair McGowan’s back on primetime with his own show, this time for ITV. You cannot be serious! is his latest offering and is a satirical look at all things sporty.

Alistair McGowan

I was pleasantly surprised. As a stereotypical girl (I watch tennis and gymnastics and that’s it!) I could have been put off by the fact that it was all about sport. The advert hadn’t made this clear at all, featuring as it did, Louie Spence and Robbie Savage talking about dance. I tuned in expecting a more general impressions show but despite this, as an opening episode I was pretty impressed.

For starters it’s very Harry Hill-esque. Turns out he’s the executive producer, so that could be why, but he’s certainly made his mark. Instead of being a re-hash of Big Impression Alistair sits behind a desk and pokes fun at a whole series of clips. Sound familiar? It’s like a mash-up of Harry Hill, Big Impression, with just a little bit of Mock the Week thrown in – the round where Hugh Dennis gets some silent footage and has to make up what’s being said.

Yes it’s about sport but you don’t need to be a big sport’s fan to find it amusing, perhaps it’s better if you’re not. After all, it’s not very realistic – Jedward covering the French Open, Louie Spence training footballers and presenters reading lads’ mags whilst commentating (ok so the last one is believable) – but it is funny.

It’s not the sophisticated satire of Rory Bremner but it’s a light and fun show, probably on a par with Harry Hill and his ‘chippy chippppss!’ but with fewer visual gags and more daft wordplay instead. And so far, the impressions have been good.

I think it will improve as the weeks go on and they develop some running jokes á la Harry Hill. All they need now is: ‘I like Manchester United but then I like Manchester City. But which is best? There’s only one way to find out…!’

Yes. That’d end well.

 

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